Note: Last night's Rolemaster session was truly epic largely because Eric the GM's plans got totally screwed over when in the middle of a combat the bad guy wizard totally botched a demon summoning and as a result teleported the party several hundred miles away whilst half melting himself into the scenery.
"Lice! Lice! Baby" --Eric
"Frosty the snow sword!" --Val and I, describing her magical frost rapier
"The GM is laughing. That's not a good thing, right?" --Stephen, finally getting the social dynamics of RPGs
Susan's new character is introduced to the party:
"Who are you?" --Stephen
"I don't know how to pronounce my name." --Susan
"That was one hell of a roofie. That was a great battle. Or party." --Fred, when his character returns to consciousness after the magical accident.
"I refuse to be killed by a plant." --Fred, while fighting sentient vines that have taken over a village.
"You still have one [vine] on you." --Eric
"I know. I'm trying to get him off." --Fred
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Friday, November 18, 2016
An Epic Tale, Part IV
"What ho, dear brother!" Ludmilla the Insatiable cried as she leaped from her war unicorn and bounded up the steps to the tower three at a time.
"Hello 'Milla," Spatchcock replied flatly, blowing pipeweed smoke into her face. "What brings you here?"
"I was riding through yon hills and saw this village and tower in the distance and I said to my esquire, Spunge," she indicated a put upon man who was trying, without much success, to control the war unicorn, " 'Spunge, what village is that?'
" 'Why tis the village of Fisting-in-the-Dale, Milady', he replied.
"And I said, 'A-ha! Why that is the home of my dear bother, the mighty mage, Spatchcock the Green! Let us go bid him greetings.'"
Spatchcock puffed on his pipe for several moments. Then blowing more smoke in his sister's face he asked, "You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?"
Irate, Ludmilla drew herself up to her full height, loomed over her older brother and then suddenly deflated.
"Spatchy, I'm in trouble," she said meekly.
[Author's Note: I stole the name Fisting-in-the-Dale from comedian Greg Proops. He used it in a bit about the quaint names of some English villages.]
"Hello 'Milla," Spatchcock replied flatly, blowing pipeweed smoke into her face. "What brings you here?"
"I was riding through yon hills and saw this village and tower in the distance and I said to my esquire, Spunge," she indicated a put upon man who was trying, without much success, to control the war unicorn, " 'Spunge, what village is that?'
" 'Why tis the village of Fisting-in-the-Dale, Milady', he replied.
"And I said, 'A-ha! Why that is the home of my dear bother, the mighty mage, Spatchcock the Green! Let us go bid him greetings.'"
Spatchcock puffed on his pipe for several moments. Then blowing more smoke in his sister's face he asked, "You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?"
Irate, Ludmilla drew herself up to her full height, loomed over her older brother and then suddenly deflated.
"Spatchy, I'm in trouble," she said meekly.
[Author's Note: I stole the name Fisting-in-the-Dale from comedian Greg Proops. He used it in a bit about the quaint names of some English villages.]
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
So just what is "An Epic Tale"?
You may noticed that over the past few days I have started publishing bits of rather disjointed fantasy fiction here under the the title "An Epic Tale" and are thinking "What's up with that?"
Basically, I am doing it as a bit of self-therapy. Recent current events and especially the election have gotten me down, so my response has been to laugh through the tears. I am indulging in my penchant for humorous fantasy fiction in an effort to lighten my mood and, hopefully, the mood of my friends.
Also I am doing this to just simply practice my writing style. Like many of my friends I've always wanted to be a writer and while I am good at things like characterization and setting, I tend to be weak when it comes to actual plot. Plus I have some stylistic quirks I need to work out and I hope regularly writing short bits of fiction, generally only a few paragraphs long, will help me see and fix those problems.
To that end, in addition to other geeky stuff I am putting my bits of fantasy flash fiction up here as well. And while it may seem rather scattershot now, eventually (I hope) it will all come together.
I should say that this is not wholly my idea. I was inspired by my college friend Daniel Myers, author of the excellent Medieval Cookery website and its companion Medieval Cookery blog. (Check them out as they are a mine of great information.) When we were at Miami University, Dan kept a notebook in which he scribbled similar bits of humorous fantasy flash fiction which he dubbed The Heroes of Sachran. I always loved the idea and while Dan's sense of humor is even more surreal than my own, it is to him I owe the credit/blame.
Finally, as this is meant to be a project for both readers and writers please leave comments about my posts. I want to know what is working and what isn't and where I am making a mess of things so I can improve.
Thanks.
Basically, I am doing it as a bit of self-therapy. Recent current events and especially the election have gotten me down, so my response has been to laugh through the tears. I am indulging in my penchant for humorous fantasy fiction in an effort to lighten my mood and, hopefully, the mood of my friends.
Also I am doing this to just simply practice my writing style. Like many of my friends I've always wanted to be a writer and while I am good at things like characterization and setting, I tend to be weak when it comes to actual plot. Plus I have some stylistic quirks I need to work out and I hope regularly writing short bits of fiction, generally only a few paragraphs long, will help me see and fix those problems.
To that end, in addition to other geeky stuff I am putting my bits of fantasy flash fiction up here as well. And while it may seem rather scattershot now, eventually (I hope) it will all come together.
I should say that this is not wholly my idea. I was inspired by my college friend Daniel Myers, author of the excellent Medieval Cookery website and its companion Medieval Cookery blog. (Check them out as they are a mine of great information.) When we were at Miami University, Dan kept a notebook in which he scribbled similar bits of humorous fantasy flash fiction which he dubbed The Heroes of Sachran. I always loved the idea and while Dan's sense of humor is even more surreal than my own, it is to him I owe the credit/blame.
Finally, as this is meant to be a project for both readers and writers please leave comments about my posts. I want to know what is working and what isn't and where I am making a mess of things so I can improve.
Thanks.
An Epic Tale, Part III
Grimbi Grimbison drew himself up to his full height of four feet, ten inches and shoved his crossbow into the crotch of the six foot tall thug in front of him, “What was that you called me?”
Around the tavern floor was scattered coins and cards from the overturned table. “I called you a cheat, short-arse!” the thug screamed as he pulled a short sword from it’s scabbard.
“Now that is needlessly cruel,” Grimbi replied calmly. “I thought this tavern was a safe space.”
“Huh?” answered the now confused thug.
“I don’t mind being called a cheat. Namely because I was cheating. But anti-dwarven epithets are just being malicious in a way that doesn’t help the situation.”
“Epi-wha?” The thug was getting even more confused. Indeed, the shuffling and whispering by the other drinkers in the tavern gave the impression that they were having a hard time following Grimbi as well.
“I’m saying you could have just called me out as a cheater without disparaging my race.”
The thug lowered his sword and started scratching his head, “I suppose…”
TWANG!
Grimbi let loose with a crossbow bolt and there was a high pitched scream as his opponent fell to the floor grasping at his family jewels.
Spam, spam, spam, eggs, bacon and spam.
Last night this blog got hit by a comments spammer leaving links on at least a half dozen posts. The spam has been duly deleted and the spammer has been blocked with extreme prejudice.
Does this mean I've finally made the big time?
Does this mean I've finally made the big time?
Monday, November 14, 2016
An Epic Tale, Part II
Spatchcock the Green stood up, coughed twice and looked about the ruins of his laboratory. “A little less red mercury next time”, he mumbled to himself as he made a note in his still smoldering notebook.
He gently kicked his apprentice Pune, who was still cowering behind an overturned table and said, “Clean up this mess.” He then wandered upstairs to to his library. Like most sane - for given values of the word sane - mages, Spatchcock did his experimenting in a specially warded, underground laboratory lest it damage his tower or indeed large swathes of the countryside.
As he ascended to the higher levels of the tower he happened to look up from his notes and and through one of the windows he spotted an armored woman riding towards the tower on a black unicorn. His pipe fell from his slack jaw at the sight.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
An Epic Tale, Part I
And it came to pass that when Thagwald the Incontinent was king, there came out of the Plaid Hills a barbarian hero of great skill and renown. The hero strode into the small town of P’Tang, sweat glistening of his mighty thews and when he reached the square at the center he drew his sword and cried, “I seek brave souls to help me overthrow the Seven Lords of Lower Cromden!”
The only denizen of the town square, a rather bored looking cow chewing her cud, looked askance at the barbarian.
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