Session II: Sunday Night Bath House Orgy!

Please refer back to session one for the list of characters and players in our D&D 5e campaign Misfit Toys.

The action has now moved to Baldur's Gate, where the party have been conscripted by the Flaming Fists due to an ongoing emergency in the city...

"We are professional fisters." --Kachu

"Cheeseburger with hair." --Kachu, describing our contact Terina

"So we've got Nightcrawler, Leonardo, the mummy, a duck, a drow, and What The Fuck?" --Terina the spy

Mr. Ganderson's player appears to be sleeping in his seat.
"Is the duck okay?" --GM
"The duck is watching the football game on his phone." --Erzaben

"I've got a D20." --Mr. Ganderson
Drops it.
"Now you don't." --Aylin

"Bad dog!" --Pirate, after being hit by Calena

"Good dog!" --Terina, after being healed by Calena

"Sorry folks, we've got a waffle emergency." --Aylin

"How was the orgy?" --Venynore
"Everyone gets Inspiration.  It was the best orgy ever.  Can we now play D&D?" --DM

"Do you really need a chaos chart?  I feel this party is a chaos a chart." --Jennah, kibbitzing from the next room

"With Advantage he rolled a 7 to hit."--DM
"Swing and a miss!" --Erzaben

"Roll to waterboard." --Aylin

Introducing the Misfit Toys

So I've decided to dust off the old blog in order to have a place to put gaming sessions.  I just started playing in a new D&D 5e game with some friends and the best things always get said around the table and need to be recorded for posterity.

First, I need to introduce the party.  The DM allowed a bunch of non-standard races and it will be very evident why were were quickly dubbed The Misfit Toys:
Erzaben the Blue, tiefling warlock (me)
Kachu Whakahirihir, turtleman bard (Emma)
Gaol Tet'ch, goliath fighter (Torix)
Mr. Ganderson, duck barbarian (Billy)
Venyore Aeriesuss, drow rogue (Samara)
Aelin Dustmake, human druid (Max)
Camena, dogman (pug) cleric (Neecie)
and our Dungeon Master Patrick

Venyore misses a DC10 needle trap in a door lock:
"Is your Thieve's Guild card still valid?" --Erzaben

Venyore stabs herself on the same needle trap a second time:
"Do not allow me to play a rogue ever again." --Venyore

After a series of natural 1s to get into the house via lock picking, smashing in the door, and hacking at it with a giant axe:
"We're not the Misfit Toys, we're the fucking Keystone Adventurers." --Erzaben

DM : "At this point the zombies lurch forward going 'Brainsss', so they will ignore the tanks."  *No response from the party*  "That's it?  Not even a pity chuckle?"


More quotes at the next session in two weeks.